The Art of Belonging

Human beings are social animals. We are wired to connect. Talking to each other and sharing our stories builds community and creates a sense of belonging. 

We are happier and healthier when we feel we belong and have a good relationship with members of a group – families, social clubs, neighborhoods, co-workers, faith communities, schools, etc. Regular satisfying social interactions are a universal need for most people. 

At the root of our loneliness is our disconnection… in our families… in marriages… with our neighbors, at our workplace…  
The Pandemic has left us even more socially isolated.  We see more and more mass shootings, political divisions, deterioration in our mental and physical health, and dissatisfaction in the workplace.

According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, Belonging is a basic human need – friendship, intimacy, trust, acceptance, affiliation, and being part of a group. 

The Stress on our Mental and Physical Health

Loneliness is a silent disease.
While it’s difficult to measure the effects of loneliness, it is associated with a greater risk of: 

• Cardiovascular disease, dementia, and stroke
• Mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and in extreme cases suicide
• Alcohol and drug addiction
• The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that of obesity and smoking 15 cigarettes a day

Despite increasing options for connecting with each other (social media, dating apps, Meetups), we are becoming less connected.

More people report feeling like they are left out, poorly understood, and lacking companionship.

Over half of U.S. adults (58%) are lonely.
Source:https://www.cigna.com/static

Growing Polarization


Americans are struggling to find their tribe. When we feel like Outsiders, we are more likely to join groups that give us a sense of belonging even if they don’t represent our values.

Online and in-person attacks have been fueled by an “Us v Them” state of mind. Have people become more malicious? Or are they reacting defensively from feeling socially isolated, lonely, and disempowered? 

Feeling Lonely in the Workplace

Nearly forty percent of employees say that they feel isolated at work for many reasons:
• Lack of social skills/confidence
• Age or generational gap
• Cultural barriers and/or cultural sensitivity

There is a strong NEED for people to feel a sense of belonging in the workplace. It benefits both employees and companies.  “High belonging was linked to a 56% increase in job performance, a 50% drop in turnover risk, and a 75% reduction in sick days.”
Source: https://hbr.org/2019/12/the-value-of-belonging-at-work

Disconnected Families

It’s natural that most of us are drawn to be part of a family. Connecting meaningfully with our families provides a sense of belonging, balance, and security. However, when our needs do not meet our expectations, we can feel disconnected from them. Family dynamics are complex and causes for breakdowns are many, including but not limited to: 
• Divorce
• Long-distance employment
• Abuse
• Neglect
• Inadequate parenting skills

“These mass killings are about many things – guns, demagoguery, and the rest – but they are also about social isolation and the spreading derangement of the American mind.

Whenever there’s a shooting, there’s always a lonely man who fell through the cracks of society, who lived a life of solitary disappointment, and who one day decided to try to make a blood-drenched leap from insignificance to infamy.”

-David Brooks, The Second Mountain.

According to a study conducted by the Pew Research Center, problems related to family are the primary source of loneliness.  28% of Americans reported dissatisfaction with their family life. 

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2018/12/03/americans-unhappy-with-family-social-or-financial-life-are-more-likely-to-say-they-feel-lonely/

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